im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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