If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
