my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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