At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
