Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
