Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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