what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
