addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
