So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
