Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you still have your period?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
