so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
