Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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