This show inspires me to have sex in space
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
