I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
