So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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