He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
