i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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