Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
