Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My Higher Power is John Stamos
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
