This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
