i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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