did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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