so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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