hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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