at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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