remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
