she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
