It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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