It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
