I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
