He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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