I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
