So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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