No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
