I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
