I wish I only lived at night.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
