"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
