I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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