He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
