oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
