Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
