I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
