just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
