if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
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The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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