I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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