walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
