I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
