? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
