i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
