My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
