weddingsv make me drug and hornr
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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