my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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