Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
