Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
