a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
