just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
