Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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