The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
