I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
there is puke in my bra ... again
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