Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
