Your dad touched me again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
