I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
