I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
