someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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