Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
