just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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