So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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